Are You Crying? There’s No Crying….

“ARE YOU CRYING? There’s no crying!

THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!”

~Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own

With the start of the Olympic Games this week, our attention turns

to the athletes who will dazzle us with their physical skill and mental

toughness. Among those who will be looking to win a spot on the

podium is Mirai Nagasu, a 16-year-old American figure skater whose

emotional state has received almost as much attention as her skating.

A January 23rd article in The New York Times described Nagasu’s battle

of egos, between “good Mirai” and “evil Mirai.” Part of it stems from

her youthful age; puberty is tough on everyone, even (especially!)

world-class athletes. The battle also comes from the pressure of success.

Her self-esteem issues are obvious from this quote:

“There are always moments when I think about leaving skating,

but then I think about that I’m not very smart and I’m not very pretty

and there’s nothing else that stands out about me besides my skating.”

There are cultural influences from a strict upbringing that have

carried over into her professional life, creating a harsh internal critic.

The critical voice extends to her coach; after finishing first in the short

program of a major event, Nagasu broke down sobbing. Her coach,

Frank Carroll recalled her reaction: “Oh my dear, I’m first? I don’t

want to be first. I don’t want to be first.” He told her she could

not handle living up to the expectations of being on top.

In the free skate, she stumbled and finished fifth. Carroll

then instituted a “no crying” rule (sound familiar!?).

The NYT article shares a quote from fellow skater and reigning

world champion Evan Lysacek: “I tell her how great she is, that

she is more special than anyone else in this country, and she just

keeps saying that she’s terrible. She has that ‘it’ factor.

She just has to believe it, too.”

It puts things into perspective to realize that even Olympic athletes

suffer from bouts of self-doubt and destructive thinking. What helps

them move through it? I can’t speak for Nagasu, but I can share a few

helpful tips that have worked for me and my clients:

Awareness

The first step is becoming aware of your language habits in your

self-talk (ie “chatter”) as well as in conversation. Key negative

self-talk words include: always, never, should, have to, don’t,

can’t, if/then, I’m not, I’m too, afraid, difficult, hate, worry, bad.

Observation

As you gradually become more aware of these words, make a choice

to notice them with as much compassion and detachment as possible.

Write down the thoughts, say them out loud or do whatever helps to

bring them into focus for you.

Curiosity

Now that you’ve noticed the thought, get curious about where the thought

came from and what you can do with it. The idea is not to push the thought

out of your mind; it’s to spend a moment challenging the thought so you

can get to the truth (otherwise, the chatter will keep visiting).

Some questions to ask: What’s really true? What evidence do I have?

Where does this thought come from? What choice do I have, in this moment?

Reframe

Your curiosity has led you to a more grounded truth. You see the thought

for what it is: an idea that is completely within your control. You now have

the choice to reframe that idea into an empowering thought, one that

moves you into a more positive space. Words that help with reframing:

I choose, I am, I know, I want, I create.

Repeat

Congratulations! You have begun the process of transforming your

relationship with disempowering chatter. Remember: this is not a

“flip a switch” solution. It’s a life-long process of awareness, observation,

curiosity and reframing that will gradually bring more peace and

alignment into your life.

Along the way to more empowering thinking, you are sure to experience

the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Simply recognize that it’s all

part of the training that leads you up to your place on the winner’s podium.

Intentionally Yours,

Mind Over Chatter eNews
from Beth L. Buelow, CPC